Avoidance

I am furiously spending my time here filling out my doula resume, and just avoiding my home life in general, as it is pretty miserable. Cam is being nice, after 6 months of couple's counseling and STILL continuing it as we deal with money/car/property issues, it's very amicable, the best one could hope for.

But I hate being home. I still have to work for him, help the business, until we find a new office person to train. We hired this IDIOT business consultant guy for a month. He is worthless. I think my ex corporate world turned hair dresser best friend, might take over. At first we were wary, but I trust her more than anyone, she is my rock, and she has known T for 12 years. She's over 40 and dating, so I don't feel weird about having her come into the house and go through my jacked up ramshackle filing system. I want to leave T in a good place, office wise. He started his company with me, and it has skyrocketed, leaving us in despair and disarray, considering I have no business or office experience. I want him to succeed. I really do. And so far he has, flying by the seat of his pants, become an "in demand" contractor. I believe in him, I think he's a wonderful person, it just didn't work out. A large part of this is due to the business, the money. I was so much happier when I was a nanny working 50 hours a week, and he was a carpeneter. Running a small business sucks balls.

Anyway, I am throwing myself into work. I am doing pro bono nights (10pm-6am) for preemie twins. Their mom got me in touch with a mom of 4 day old (eeek!!!) twins who needs night help. We'll sell if that pans out or not.

I'm also working for a wonderful woman, Kiki. I was the doula for her sister's son several months ago, and have gone back when they had a nanny issue and needed coverage. Kiki is just as chill and awesome as her sister. Her little baby, three weeks, is a dote. He has hip dysplacia (sp), so it is a new thing to learn, changing diapers with the brace.

Like I said, I am avoiding home. Funny how I throw myself into work at times like this.

Today I hung out with the kids I nannied for three years. They are 4.5 and almost 8 (omg, how the hell did that happen?????). We had such a great time. They insisted on sitting in the way back of my SUV, leaving the middle row empty, lol. And they wanted Fergie cranked the F up on our way back across the bridge after the Discovery Museum. So funny to see them bopping their heads. They are so big, but they are still the same. I sat and held little E, the 4.5 yo girl in my arms as I read them a book, and she sucked her thumb and C, the almost 8 yo, held his blanket, just like old times.

When their mom dropped them off to me this afternoon, they gave me a gift of a beautiful dotted silver picutre frame, with four pics of the kids to pick from to put in it. I am leaving it in the box, it will be a new fresh thing for my new home.

It's getting really real that I am leaving, and really hard.

Sigh.

I just spent twenty minutes reading a blog, envying this woman because she was married to a French man. Thinking that's so exotic, how fun, to have a partner from another country, how lucky she is to be able to visit (and now live) in France. Twenty minutes. Twenty minutes before I realized I'm living with a person from another country, and it's not all that.

Sickness

I made the terrible, in hindsight, mistake of looking after K on Wednesday, while she was home sick. They were supposed to fly to NY the next day, and while her mom wasn't sure they would be going due to K being sick, she still had a ton of errands to do.

I figured, no problem, I was supposed to pick her up from school anyway, and I had no baby J that day, so I hung out with her from 10-2 on the sofa, watching TV (something she is never allowed to do), and playing Psst!, which is one of my fave kid's games.

Fast forward to Saturday, where I wake up with a terrible sore throat, but no other symptoms. I go to right aid and find this AWESOME homeopathic salt water gargle that contains witch hazel, vit c, aloe, a bunch of shiz, and kicks sore throat's ass.

Spend Sunday having an early Easter brunch courtesy of Cam, and a late Easter brunch at the horse races with a bunch of Cam's friends and visitors from Ireland. I had never been to the races before, it was fun. Nice to see everyone all dressed up, complete with older women in real Easter Bonnets! they had a fun park for the kids as well, with a snow hill and sledding! It was about 70 degrees, great day all around.

Fast forward to Monday night where I sleep fitfully drenched in sweat.
Tuesday AM, I stand up and WHOOSH my head and chest are filled with massive amounts of crap. I laid in bed all day Tuesday, too sick to even call the cable company and say our cable wasn't working.
Wednesday, I was a little better, managed to call them around noon when I realized internet was also down and I needed to check Cam's email. I broke down yesterday and took the antibiotics that I filled for another head/chest thing and never used. (I know, I know!! Hell I am the first to preach the evils of antibiotics)

I feel sooo much better today, despite sounding like shit. Will post awesome throat gargle stuff when I remember. It kills your sore throat without leaving it numb. You could probably make it at home, but it comes in a box of ten single serving liquid packets, so you can take one in your purse, and I'm a sucker for cute little packaging.

I did manage to read 2/3 of Obama's first book, Dreams from My Father. I am just getting to the point where he meets Rev. Wright, the "anti-Americn" preacher everyone hates lately. I am excited to see how Barack describes him. The book was written in '95, so I'm sure he wasn't expecting to be running for president, or he would have left a few things out.

I have sleep issues. However, I finally took the advice of my Dr, and have been going to bed 1/2 hr earlier and getting up 1/2 hr earlier everyday. So, here I am, awake at 8:00 on a Saturday!

We did not get my new (used) car yesterday. The saleswoman called us at 4:40, 20 minutes before our appt, to say her colleague had sold it. :( Sadness.

We did get pick of the current vehicles taken. It was fun, cruising around GG Park and finding different places to park the cars and take cool pictures. They are primarly for Cam's little bro in Ireland, another car freak. Also for posterities sake, and so every time Cam whines "I want an EVO", I can remind him he had one, and it sucked.

The bright side of this is I can try again to sell the EVO on E-bay, CL, and locally, to someone wh0 appreciates it's souped upedness. The dealerships see after market modifications as a defect, not a plus.

Oh, I will add pics later, and you can laugh at how big of car dorks we are.

Things I don't like

• Construction noises at 8 am. Or 3 pm. Or 6:30 pm. I whined and cried to Cam about this last night, much to his amusement, considering it's his business. "Isn't there some law you have to tell your neighbors before you start a project? No? When do they have to stop by? 7 pm? I'm marching over there and knocking on the door at 7:02". They stopped before 7. I am very sensitive to noise. I could do a whole list on noises I hate.
  
• Seeing people bite their nails.
• Nausea
• Heartburn, Indigestion, Upset Stomach, Diarrhea (I don't have any of those at the minute but sure don't like them either).
• Waiting.
  
• People calling me at 5:30 am to lament the loss of my friendship. Hint people: If you are trying to apologize and make nice with someone, do not repeatedly call them in the early morning. I don't mind the late night drunk calls so much, but do not f*ck with my morning.
• Okra, summer squash, and zucchini, unless they are mixed in with something else. I love every other veggie though, so that's not bad.
• The smell of cigarettes on my hands after my occasional late night smoke. I have to go scrub them immediately afterwards.
  

That, my friends, is all. All I could think of this morning, anyway.

I'm going now to arrange a carefully orchestrated photo of 4 vehicles in front of the Conservatory of Flowers. This takes several people/drivers and perfect timing to get 4 spots in a row in the loading zone, making sure no tour buses with curious Japanese tourists are there, and then a quick snapping of several pictures before zooming off, since it is a loading zone after all.

I love run on sentences.

Then we bid farewell to two cars, and welcome in another. Big day in our car loving household.

A list

I am not a serial list maker. I make one list a week, whatever will fit on the list side of my "BusyBodyBook" planner, and that's it. I constantly make lists in my head though.

Tonight, it is:

Things I like:
Hearing people say pop instead of soda
Carrot Cake for breakfast
Sleeping in (okay, I LOVE that)
Getting two magazines delivered in one day
Fresh clean jammies
Making my bed before noon

You know, I was going to make a things I don't like list too, but it sort of disappeared after writing the positive list so I will quit while I am ahead. Back to watching this terrible Danny Bonaduce/Child Star/Stage Mom or Dad show.

Tunes

I got two new CD's yesterday. Yes, I still buy actual cd's. I even have a tape deck in my car. We have two rarely used ipod's. Someday I might take the time to load them up and make playlists for every possible situation. Maybe.

I much prefer getting a new CD and listening to it non-stop for weeks.

However, there is heavy rotation in the past 24 hours between Akon's "Konvicted" and the Juno Soundtrack. Can you get much different?

Spam Blockers

Is it just me, or are those scrambled letters meant to avoid automated programs from posting getting harder and harder to read?

(Since I can't yet figure out how to put the picture at the bottom of the post, here they are. I always bring a snack and water when I pick her up. I always tell her "don't lose the lid!" She always does. A pencil eraser her teacher gave her as a reward. A tiny shoe from a tiny baby cinderella doll. 2 pesos. She has been asking and asking if I had found the last three, so she will be happy)

Ah, once again I have remembered my blog. It took a while, remembering which blog hosting service I use, then my password, etc, but I am here.

I took a mental health break Mon-Wed of this week, so I am spending today swamped, worse off work wise than I was before.

One of the things I realized during my mental health break was the importance of writing, and writing somewhere healthy. So here I am. I’m taking a break from the paperwork, having a couple girl scout cookies, and a cup of Chai.

I have been enjoying several flickr groups like “tiny moments” and “simple things”.

Once a week I pick up one of my long time babysitting kids from kindergarten and hang out with her until her mom comes home. I’ve looked after her since she was a baby, and her family has become close family friends. The few hours we spend together are a simple thing that means a lot to me.

As I was putting the seats back into place in my car today, I found these items wedged way down in the seat under her booster. I smiled as I scooped them up. Tiny pieces of our adventures together.

Getting out of the house

On a whim today I took my laptop to a local Cuban coffee shop for lunch. Our wireless is broken, and since I have my email on the mac laptop, I check it daily but only sift through and delete once a week.

I came upon an email from the SF doula group. A mama with a 4 week old colicky baby needed help. I sent her a short email, explaining that I was new to PP doula-ing, but interested, and willing to charge a reduced rate. She called me a few hours later, I sent her my list of services, job history, and references, and she hired me on the spot.

T wants me in the office 8-5 everyday, but I need to do my own thing to be healthy and happy. It's not about the $$, I am charging less for doula care than I do for babysitting. It is about doing what I love and feeling fulfilled. I sent the original email w/o discussing it with T. He was so accommodating, said, yes, whatever you need to do to further your career. So, I go to work on Monday, three days a week for three hours. I am an excited, nervous, etc. This woman put her confidence in me over 5 other candidates, several of whom have full blown websites, etc.

She hired me this evening, after two emails, references, and a phone call. The first question she asked, learning I was from Iowa, was about the caucus. Had I ever participated? No. I turned 18 in Sep 'oo and voted in NOv '00, I wasn't eligible for the caucus that year.

Then I left Iowa. My dad is a forum leader for his area caucus, and she was quite interested in that. She even went so far as to ask, "what party"? I was raised to not discuss politics, being raised in a very liberal family.
I answered sheepishly, democrat. OH GOOD!! she said. My dad's involvement both as an activist and videographer makes our family quite visible political wise. This is something I don't feel comfortable with. He spent last week fiming for Al-(not gezera), but another middle eastern network. I am probably the most conservative democrat in my family.
My mom voted for Nader for 4 electicions, Dad voted for Richardson in the caucus, but is now behind Edwards, as am I.
I hate the Iowa caucus. I am known for pulling up illegal yard signs, and kicked down quite a few, including one in the property T and I own in Iowa. Sorry, if you rent, your landlord is allowed to pull up your Huckabee sign.

Spring cleaning

I am on a strict schedule to be "on duty" from 10-5 each day. This involves handling all office work, filing, answering the phone, and donig household duties when the office proves too claustrophobic.

Today, I went crazy on my kitchen, spurred by a donation card in the mail to put stuff on the curb for the Cerebral Palsy Coalition, and the SF Food Banks need for post holiday donations. Three garbage bags of trash (hello, canned peaches that expired in '04!!), two paper sacks of food donations, and one box of household items (old crockpot, old stockpot, travel mugs, etc) later, my kitchen is sparking, spotless, organized.

Now if only I could say the same for the rest of the house. We have been preparing for a move for what seems like years. Now that it becomes imminent, I am trying to purge purge purge before packing day comes.

I kept my holiday decor up for Sunday, when we had Cam's family over for a belated Xmas. I am waiting for trash/compost/recycling day tomorrow to get rid of all the food, wrapping paper, and just plain old junk, so I can fill the bins again.

The CP people come Jan 14th. I cleaned out my dresser and closet a few months ago, giving everything to Miss Jayne or our housekeeper. Now it is Cam's turn. He is a bigger packrat than I, keeping paint stained, too small, ripped shirts like they are Versace. One of the big things I believe in is not getting rid of other people's stuff, so this will require an afternoon of he and I going through things together.

Once again I wonder how I left Iowa with a suitcase, and now have a 1600 sq ft flat packed to the gills with stuff.

Pics of my AWESOME kitchen cupboards to come tomorrow. I wish I had thought to take before pics. I wipes out every cabinet, climbed up on the counter and wiped the TOPS of the cabinets (YUCK), etc. Hopefully the kitchen is far more functional now.

I am tired, but content.

Good night moon. Good night stars.

Good night interwebs everywhere.

The fever hit me tonight. The first Friday home in 2+ weeks, man asleep on the sofa, already watched a movie, House, AND 20/20 fever.

So I read some more blogs. Which I will someday link. And looked at more GREAT pics of baby Z. And now, I guess, it is time for me to go to bed. At 11:30. Did I mention I quit smoking Dec 30th?

This post brought to you by the letter Z! Here she is with her mama in a BIG jumper we bought her. I asked my bro for a pic of her in one of the outfits we bought, this is her mama's fave. Tomorrow I will post a pic of her sleeping, fully clothed, in her baby tub. Like father like daughter :)

I have a blog.

I forgot. I made a New Year's resolution to avoid certain time sucking parts of the internet. And avoid them like the plague I have. Not even glance since before New Year's Eve!

Then today, on our second straight day of sideways, tree breaking wind and rain I found myself bored. I lit a fire, put last night's stew on to simmer, and figured I would take a *peek* at my one of my fave bloggers take on last night's Iowa Caucus.

Then I remembered Litshist. So, my NEW New Year's resolution is to post here.

And why don't I start by welcoming the newest addition to our family, my brave brother's darling daughter, above.

She's good people! Welcome to the world, Z!