Sunday, May 25, 2008

Avoidance

I am furiously spending my time here filling out my doula resume, and just avoiding my home life in general, as it is pretty miserable. Cam is being nice, after 6 months of couple's counseling and STILL continuing it as we deal with money/car/property issues, it's very amicable, the best one could hope for.

But I hate being home. I still have to work for him, help the business, until we find a new office person to train. We hired this IDIOT business consultant guy for a month. He is worthless. I think my ex corporate world turned hair dresser best friend, might take over. At first we were wary, but I trust her more than anyone, she is my rock, and she has known T for 12 years. She's over 40 and dating, so I don't feel weird about having her come into the house and go through my jacked up ramshackle filing system. I want to leave T in a good place, office wise. He started his company with me, and it has skyrocketed, leaving us in despair and disarray, considering I have no business or office experience. I want him to succeed. I really do. And so far he has, flying by the seat of his pants, become an "in demand" contractor. I believe in him, I think he's a wonderful person, it just didn't work out. A large part of this is due to the business, the money. I was so much happier when I was a nanny working 50 hours a week, and he was a carpeneter. Running a small business sucks balls.

Anyway, I am throwing myself into work. I am doing pro bono nights (10pm-6am) for preemie twins. Their mom got me in touch with a mom of 4 day old (eeek!!!) twins who needs night help. We'll sell if that pans out or not.

I'm also working for a wonderful woman, Kiki. I was the doula for her sister's son several months ago, and have gone back when they had a nanny issue and needed coverage. Kiki is just as chill and awesome as her sister. Her little baby, three weeks, is a dote. He has hip dysplacia (sp), so it is a new thing to learn, changing diapers with the brace.

Like I said, I am avoiding home. Funny how I throw myself into work at times like this.

Today I hung out with the kids I nannied for three years. They are 4.5 and almost 8 (omg, how the hell did that happen?????). We had such a great time. They insisted on sitting in the way back of my SUV, leaving the middle row empty, lol. And they wanted Fergie cranked the F up on our way back across the bridge after the Discovery Museum. So funny to see them bopping their heads. They are so big, but they are still the same. I sat and held little E, the 4.5 yo girl in my arms as I read them a book, and she sucked her thumb and C, the almost 8 yo, held his blanket, just like old times.

When their mom dropped them off to me this afternoon, they gave me a gift of a beautiful dotted silver picutre frame, with four pics of the kids to pick from to put in it. I am leaving it in the box, it will be a new fresh thing for my new home.

It's getting really real that I am leaving, and really hard.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Sigh.

I just spent twenty minutes reading a blog, envying this woman because she was married to a French man. Thinking that's so exotic, how fun, to have a partner from another country, how lucky she is to be able to visit (and now live) in France. Twenty minutes. Twenty minutes before I realized I'm living with a person from another country, and it's not all that.